Tuesday, June 23, 2009

The Management would like to retract all previous entreaties to "fight the power", having received clarification as to exactly who that constitutes. The Management urges you to consider buying a fast food value meal or seeing a hot new summer release at your local cineplex instead of "fighting the power". Other things you may wish to avoid fighting include "The Man" and "City Hall".

The Management and "City Hall" may be assumed to be interchangeable for purposes of resistance and the futility thereof, as well as for all other purposes.

Monday, June 22, 2009

The Management wishes to clarify that the 10" oscillating fans advertised in the weekend circular are of the "move air around to induce cooling" variety, not the "hang out on internet forums obsessively debating series canon" type. We apologize for any confusion.
The Management regrets to inform you that as a cost-cutting measure, Autumn will be replaced with a tape of Spring played in reverse. This change will become effective as of September of 9002.
The Management regrets to inform you that due to unprecedented demand and capacity issues, what happens in Vegas will now be shipped to our offsite storage facility in Duluth. We apologize for any inconvenience.